shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
