Whatcha textin bout Willis?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
