Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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