i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
