Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
