hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
