sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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