So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
