my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize