and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
