I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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