One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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