i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize