we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
