Capitaan dildo arrescate!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
