Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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