You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
