It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
