Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Randomize
