she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
