Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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