# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
