i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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