I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
