I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
