Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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