I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
