mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
