All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
