"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
