Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
