i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
