i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
