Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize