I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
