She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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