Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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