so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
