So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize