i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
