I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
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