all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
