I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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