alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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