peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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