She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
