So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize