Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
