The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
