when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
