He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
