I got chris browned last night
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize