naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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