i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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