Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
