I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
