either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
