There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
