on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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