I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
