I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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