ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
