Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My balls are so social today.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
