Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
it hurts more in the daytime
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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