Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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