she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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