is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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