Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
