mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
